1st May 2021
Haiiii it's been a while since I log in to this website and write something. Don't worry my life been great, I just don't know what to do in this time. Yes I'm still in the middle of COVID 19's pandemic, and yes it hasn't over since last year it entered Indonesia. I never imagine that this pandemic is hitting and changing a lot of people's life, including me.
I remembered that I have to do my final thesis defense online, and I found it's good because I can totally read all my notes hahaha I remembered did my defense in my living room, still using a formal outfit (haven't sleeppp, because you know I asked my Senpai to help me practicing and correcting my work, and they wont stop unless I do it perfectly, so here i am a walking dead).
I unfortunately didn't count how much I spent for the whole process, but I did the presentation for 13 minutes straight, which is set as a plan. At that time, I just gave everything I could. I really want to convince my Sensei that my work is important, and it needs more than an attention. Do it in full English, I don't know if I can feel proud about that, but sometimes I just want to give myself a credit, when everyone think it was a normal things to do. My mother was in the next room, I think she is waiting until I done. When I finished she came to me and I feel glad to see her smile. If I can translate her smile it was 'oh finally she did it, finally she can sleep well' hahaha hell yes
I don't know, I think a couple times that my research it's too hard for the undergraduate student, and I cursing my sensei who never stops me but motivates me again and again.
Why I have to do this research?
Why I have to suffer a lot back and ford just to get graduates?
Why I have to push myself that hard?
Why the bar is set so high?
Can I just mess around and still did it?
I really grateful that I pass all of it, it's been a crazy process. I want to send my support to my friends that now still struggling with the research, don't worry it'll pass. But remember that no one can't help you, unless you.
Now I'm in this point, there's one thing that I realize I stop doing since the pandemic hit. It was I no longer writing my goals, I no longer writing what I want to achieve. Back when I still on my second year, I was so inspire by my senpai, she is two years older than me. I used to work and go out with her and other friends, until one day she asked me to go to her kosan (Kosan: place that you rent to stay while you're study). There I saw her placed a paper with ten rows of goals. It was not a dream list, it was an achievable goal with a clear targets, and she did checked it like a to do list. I was wow, I think I wanna make one. Then I did, I make that every times we get into new semester.
And here I'm today, don't care at all.
It's fun though.
It's fun because before I saw this society wont admit your ordinary success, it should be perfect, it should be above the average, so maybe they will consider you as a good product. After the pandemic, people got stress out because they are being forced to stay at home or either you got the virus or your parents got the virus. There are fear everywhere, that it makes the success bar is jumping down into the level of 'still exist' is a great achievement.
YEY
And here I'm today, living in the fullest.
I want to acknowledge my great support system, family and friends. I don't know what I'm gonna do without them. I'm going to lie if I said I never get stress out during this pandemic,
I remember I get burned out and I don't know what to do.
I tried many thing.
Quit social media, doesn't work.
Sleep, nope.
Talking to my friend, oh please no.
The worse is I don't know why I'm sad. What I know is time heal, but it's not the answer, I think I need to see a doctor, maybe later if I get the same circumstances.
But If I can give you a tips please do an exercise, it helps you to cope with the hormones that produced and also helps you to take a better decision in your life. Plus you'll be sexier, you may be sad but in a sexy body, is it that great.
Do I wanna try to write again the goals?
Well, I don't know. I have a feeling that I will ripped it off right after I write it hahahaha
So maybe I will live the best version of my life, enjoy every moment because I don't know when this world is going to end. Cheers!